When things aren’t going according to plan, there is a tendency to freak out and spiral into a black hole of self-pity and “why me?” Everything in life seems unfair, everyone seems unkind and rolling into a rebellious frenzy seems like the best thing to do.
Being sorry for yourself can be a very comfortable place to be. It’s so easy to dwell on every single detail of what has gone wrong and obsess about how it could be better or what could be different. In the process of obsessing, we are likely to focus on so many external factors that we start to think they are the cause of all our problems.
When any aspect of life seems unmanageable, it can feel like we’re carrying a heavy cross that has been randomly dropped on us and we start to play the blame game. We blame our friends, family, neighbours, colleagues, the universe, or even God; for dealing us with unfair cards and feel justified doing so.
In moments like this, I try to remember to tell myself “get over yourself, Millicent”. The universe is so massive that our presence is nothing but a mere ripple to existence. So much is going on at the same time that if we start to obsess about the details, we might just run ourselves mad.
When we fall into the trap of solving problems from outside in rather than inside out, it is important to remember to get over yourself.
External factors are just too heavy and complicated to use as a basis for problem solving with issues that may confront our growth and development. Life is a bitch. We think we have made it through an obstacle and feel that we are strong enough to take on light-hearted challenges but it always finds more creative ways to show us that we are mortal.
Hardships and difficult times always find new ways to surprise us and really, that’s just life. It is not about us. When we fall into the trap of solving problems from outside in rather than inside out, it is important to remember to get over yourself.
Don’t get me wrong, hardships in some cases may be triggered by an unforeseen or unfair factor that trips us off balance. We feel like we have lost control but the truth is that we were never in control to start with. Everything that happens is just the universe taking its course. It is okay to feel sad but self-pity is never helpful.
The only thing that is within our control is our use of time. We can use this time wisely to be kind to ourselves, to remember who we are, engage in things that make us feel good and build meaningful relationships; and after a while, everything might just start to feel a lot better.