Purpose. with Boundaries

When we find ourselves asking the existential question of “what am I doing here”; the thought process dwindles down to “well, I’m stuck here, might as well make the most of it”.

Making the most of it can be defined differently by everyone based on their background, understanding and experiences. For me, making the most of it is to leave a legacy by being a good person. I don’t know how I came to this realisation, but it turns out to be how I want to make the most of my life.

So, who is a good person? Is it by morals? Spirituality? Habits? Values? Or is it being selfless? From asking myself this, I fell back to religion. What will Jesus do? The popular question. So I started reading my Bible a lot. Decided that, if I am to choose any path on who I want to be, it will be like Jesus. I became a lot more religious (or I tried to).

But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect – Matthew 5:48

But lately, it hasn’t been working for me. Because I have been finding myself over extending. I feel so drained that I just want to take a really long break. I’m tired. Who knew religion was so hectic. But it isn’t supposed to be right? So I must be doing something wrong.

When I feel like this, I really just always prefer to be in solitude for like a week. But responsibilities always have to call. Regardless, I have tried my best to meditate on why I feel so drained (other than the random hangovers lol). My time in solitude made me to start to think and define “what does being a good person mean to me?”

So let’s screeechhh and halt for a moment from religion. But what does “good” mean to me as an individual? When we define good, we put out a reflection of our soul/spirit (I’d like to believe). It is who you are. So, who am I? And how can I represent it in the best way possible.

Part of the legacy I want to leave behind is making people feel good about themselves. Hello?!!! I’m an event planner lol. I want to be a raw and uncut version of myself but trying to be perfect is unrealistic and draining. I really cannot be perfect just like God expects me to be.

Being the best version of myself shouldn’t be painful. I shouldn’t feel drained. So I need to re-evaluate the boundaries I’ve put around being the best version of myself.

While I know that there is still room for growth, it is only smart to be strict about boundaries because there are always people on standby waiting to tek mi fee idiat. Nigerians generally think that a good person is there at their service to fulfil all their needs. Unfortunately, I am not that person.

Could this be a one step backwards from two steps forward? Do I need to keep pushing to be a “good person” regardless of feeling drained? Can strict boundaries hinder making the most of life? Let’s see.