For those who do not know what “zen” is, it means meditation. Most times when I use it in a sentence, I refer to it as “peace”. Is there such thing as too much peace?
I started learning to meditate at some point last year to cure my sadness and cravings to die and I found a lot of peace in meditation. Since then, I have referred to anything that brings me peace as “zen”. The whole process of clearing all the rubbish in my mind to focus on right here and now started off really challenging as I was at a really low point and my mind was basically a horror movie of my existence. Safe to say meditating changed my life.
Most people place meditating and praying in the same category and to be fair, they are both really similar in the sense of finding a moment for your mind, body and soul to connect as one. However, I regard meditation a lot higher praying. During prayer, your focus is on the most important things in your life by speaking life or hope into them; which is a core part of finding peace and connecting with one’s self.
But meditating, gives your mind a break, life becomes still, your thoughts are fixed on absolutely nothing and your mind becomes a blank space. In my opinion, meditating brings to life suppressed feelings and clarifies confusing thoughts, hence giving you the points for prayer.
I always to work really hard towards my zen because life without peace is quite difficult to live. But sometimes, I find myself in positions where I feel so confident in my zen, that I go ahead to make decisions that aren’t good for me -(within my boundaries and principles, of course); with the thought of “I know I can safely pull out of this”.
While you can call it self sabotaging -(it lowkey is to be honest), I justify my decisions by telling myself how hard I have worked towards that moment of peace and detox, avoiding wrong decisions and fighting through temptations that I deserve a little bit of indulgence. And the truth is, a lot of times, the indulgence is not worth it.
So I am left asking myself if there is a thing as “too much zen?” and the honest answer is there isn’t. Monks and nuns live their lives under vows of obedience and peace.
The gag is, I am not a monk or a nun. That isn’t the life I have chosen. I am a normal girl, who lives in Lagos and loves to have fun from time to time. I am only human, I am not perfect.
Now I am left with the dilemma of how to live my life to the fullest, while maintaining the optimal level of zen….(without being a nun or monk of course).