Did I Allow Myself To Get Depressed?

Remember the popular saying that goes “It’s always darkest before the dawn”?

My life has always moved fast. Everything happened back to back with almost no gap in between; and even if I got a gap, it was for just a couple of months or weeks.

Close to the end of my NYSC service year, my parents really encouraged me to put effort into being retained at my place of primary assignment. While I wasn’t sure what I wanted, it seemed like the best choice at that point. Though it had always been at the back of my mind that that I needed some time to myself to figure out how exactly I wanted my career path to go. So, when I was not retained, a part of me was really excited because I knew that I had time to figure this out. Then, my moment of solitude began.

However, it went south quickly because my mind was in a very negative space. My relationship with the guy I was dating at that point was really toxic, this eventually put a strain on the relationship I had with myself and my family. I was not the best version of myself to carry on any project and it really bothered me a lot. One thing I deeply knew was that, my personal life would have to be sorted out before I can embark on whatever journey it is that I needed.

Thankfully, solidarity helped me to see things a lot clearly and realise what exactly I needed to do. Did I allow myself to get depressed? Maybe I did, mainly because I did not know any better. I did not even realise I was depressed until it became really severe. I needed to see things from a different perspective before I could figure out how to go about things. Looking back now, there are a lot of better ways I could’ve handled the situation without it landing me in severe depression.

But here I am now, over the toxic relationship, in a lot better place with my family and I’m loving myself more than I ever have. I know that the darkest moments are over, now I am just looking forward to my dawn.

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